Dark Sucker

"The Expanded Proof of the Existence of Dark Suckers" Popular Science ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However, recent information from Bell Labs and contemplations by keen minds have proven otherwise. The new idea is that electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a leading dark sucker theorist Will Kerslake, proves the existence of dark, that dark has nearly infinite mass, and that the speed of dark is just slightly slower than the speed of what is considered "light". In a recent interview Mr. Kerslake (a.k.a. BlankRegg) gave us this view. "The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where we are. There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the black spot occassionally found on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing into the candle. Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can operate again. The typical form of storage is electricity. The full interaction between electricity and dark has not fully been explored so I won't bore you with it hear." "Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel into the solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Huge dark suckers, such as the star which our planet rotates around, create an enormous amount of heat as the dark is sucked into the stars core. Unfortunately, stars just like all other dark suckers do not last indefinately. When a star has sucked all the dark it can many different things happen. Many times the star slowly sucks less and less dark until finally only the core of dark (developed from many eons of sucking) is all that is left. Sometimes stars "supernova", in this huge explosion a star that is near reaching its dark sucking potential will suddenly suck a huge amount of dark from the surrounding area. The amount of dark sucked in a supernova is incredable. The star's sucking force on the dark is so great that the dark will go straight through planets and other objects dissentigrating them from the heat created by friction. This massive amount of dark is more than the star can handle and the weight will cause the star to implode and become a 'black hole' (dark emmiter)." To help explain many of the more complex concepts of the dark sucker theory BlankRegg has set out a list of many everday occurances that can be explained through the use of the dark sucker theory: Sun spots: Our sun is a great place to begin to explain the dark sucker theory. The sun is a star just like many others throughout the universe. Have you ever seen the Sun spots on the sun? This is where the sun sucked up so much dark in one spot that some of the dark got stuck on the surface. These spots will eventually dissapear as the dark is sucked from the surface to the core of the sun. Shadows: Shadows are made because of dark's mass. Dark cannot be easily sucked through an object such as a car, tree, person, so the area "shaded" by the object will appear darker because less dark has been removed. When a second dark sucker is introduced at a different angle the dark is quickly sucked away from the shadow because there is no longer an object in the way. Sunglasses: Sunglasses work on the same basic principle as shadows. Sunglasses don't block out light, the just decrease the amount of dark that can be sucked from in front of your eyes. This is why if you look, from the side, at a person with sunglasses on the skin behind the glasses appears darker. Sun Tans: If you remember that dark has nearly infinite mass then it must be assumed that everything must be made at least partially of dark. The reason that your skin turns darker is because the sun is sucking dark through you skin. Some of this dark gets trapped on the surface of your skin making you darker. The friction caused by the dark flowing through your body can cause your skin to heat, and sometimes burn. Hence the longer you're in the sun the more dark that gets stuck in your skin. A problem arises when too much dark is sucked through your skin, damage occurs to the cells. This is damage causes mutation and can eventually lead to skin cancer.