funny joke

one day, a woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”

My Dad wanted to surprise my Mum by painting the bedroom a nice colour that she liked. He went to the shop and brought a colour that he thought she would like, then went home and painted the bedroom. When Mum came home, Dad showed her his work. She laughed and laughed. Dad asked her what was wrong. She asked what colour did he think it was. He said "green". "Nope" she said, "it's bright orange". He forgot he was colour blind!

A married couple was watching the show, “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”. At
the end of the show, the man said to his wife, “I think we will have an
early night.”
She answered, “Okay, but when I get to bed I am going straight to sleep.”
And he said, “Is that you final answer?”
She replied, “Yes.”
He said, “Okay, then I’m going to phone a friend.”

While I was painting the ceiling with white paint, the paint fell off the ladder hook. My cat thought it was milk and started drinking it! It's funny to look back on now, but not so funny when it happened with me busy trying to remove paint off the cat without getting more (paw) paint spread across the (wrecked) carpet. You can imagine the chaotic scene!

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funny sms

Teacher: How Old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I m.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He become father only after I was born.

When I was born. Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another Angel!!!
When U were born devil said ... Oh Shit!!!! Competition...!!! ....

One day John's Girlfriend asks him, "Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?" John answer "Ya sure, Give me your Telephone Number."

1 day u'll B surprised 2 c ME beside U.
U & ME laughing,
U & ME crying,
U & ME dreaming,
U & ME holding on,
U & ME... just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.

When I die, I want to die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving.

It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAMS

Before marriage, Mad for each other. After marriage. Made for each other. In future Mad because of each other.....!!!

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How to attract girls

If you know how to attract girls, then chasing women won’t be necessary as they will come to you. When a woman is chasing you instead of the other way around, it is much easier to be relaxed and have a good time instead of concentrating on what to do next.

So what attracts people, and more specifically girls ? Things that are out of the ordinary. If you blend in with the rest of the world, then no one will ever notice you walking down the street, or in any location for that matter. How do most people blend ? By following what everyone else does and this leads to catastrophic results when trying to attract women.

Being a follower is boring and speaks a lot about your personality. It shows that you are insecure to try new things and that you don’t want attention. Now the trick to being noticed is not to dress up in bright yellow colors, but to add one interesting item to your physical appearance. There are a few guidelines to selecting the proper attire that will attract women without making you look like a fool.

First steps to being more attractive.
First, take into consideration what kind of social setting you will be in. If you’re going to a club, then you can go all out with outlandish clothing and accessories. However, if you’re going to the library, it would be more effective to carefully choose one single attention drawing accessory.

For clubs, keep in mind that you want to look different than everyone else. If everyone else is dressed up with expensive clothing, then wearing something cheap will work better. You’ll automatically be classified as the ‘guy who doesn’t care’, which can be very attractive.

If you’re at a place where people are dressed like bums, then feel free to dress up a little more and you’ll automatically be seen as ‘the only classy guy’ in the place.

Sometimes clothing itself can make a large enough difference, however accessories can further improve your magnetism throughout the day. Something unique that represents you is the ideal thing. Let’s say you enjoy biking, then you could have a necklace with a bicycle on it for instance. Then, in a social situation, people will notice and comment on your accessories.

The more out-of-the-ordinary your accessories are, the more you will get noticed. However, you must be able to continue the conversation and match the boldness of your accessory with your personality. Once you learned how to attract girls, you’ll need to learn how to keep them.

The attitude that you have is more important than all the clothes, money and looks in the world. Its cliche, but personality is more important to women than looks. In fact, there are a few secret techniques that will make you irresistible to women regardless of appearance. One of the most effective techniques is called “Cocky / Funny” in the the Double Your Dating book by David Deangelo. It teaches all the fundamental and advanced ways on how to ATTRACT girls and keep them attracted to you permanently.

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How To Attract Girls To You Without Saying A Word

Most men don't know what these are. The secret to being successful is to know what these signals are and whenever you go out look out for these. If you get just ONE signal then swing into action IMMEDIATELY ! Even today, not many girls will chat up men or ask them out. For a start, they're brought up not to , and rejection hurts them much more than it does us. Plus they think if you're a man worth going out with you've got to have the guts to ask them!
What girls will do though is give off SIGNALS that they want to be chatted up.

Remember, there's only one part of a man's body that most girls will melt for - and it's not what you think - it's your EYES. So, the first step to scoring is to make GOOD STRONG EYE CONTACT with any girl you fancy. It doesn't matter what you look like - If you have a good, strong gaze it can TURN HER ON. (Most men go wrong here - by looking at a girl's legs or breasts no way can you attract her to you.)

The minute you walk into a room start looking at every girl you fancy. Even if you think she's far too stunning to ever go out with you. And look at her eyes. Make full eye contact. And give her a smile too. Don't leer or glare. This is a sure fire way to get the chemistry going. It tells her she's under scrutiny and in this situation there is no way a girl cannot react one way or the other.

Finally remember - The best looking girls are often short of dates because few men dare to make EYE CONTACT with them. The better looking she is the more likely she is to warm to eye contact .

And How to Tell That She's Interested ....

IT'S THE TURNING AWAY THAT TELLS YOU THAT SOMETHING'S CLICKED. You'll know immediately if a girl's interested. She'll look straight back, then turn away, and perhaps smile. If she fixes you in a steely glare it's probably not going to happen.
There are other signs you should look for too. If she plays with her hair or jewellery , adjusts her clothing or breathes in (to show you how slim she is!) these are all so-called preening signs. They say that she's interested in your approach, and she's trying to look her best for you.

From a girl's point of view these signs say 'I'd like to talk to you !' SO IF THIS HAPPENS YOU MUST MAKE THE EFFORT TO TALK TO HER .

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3 way make woman orgasm

Although the sexual life has a broad scope, for women, inability to achieve orgasm or to have to pretend to reach orgasm is one of the problems that a lot of happy couple encountered.

Men were grouped into three types based on their behaviors in bed: 1.) Man who cares whether their partner orgasm, 2.) Man who does not care if their partner feel the orgasm, and 3.) Man who does not know that a woman could feel an orgasm.
But there is one similarity to the above three kinds of men: three of them must have had sexual intercourse, because they love the pleasures that provided by the orgasm. While almost all of the men had experienced an orgasm (unless they are experiencing abnormalities), in this world there are many women who have never experienced an orgasm in their life.

Yes, indeed until today, there are adult women who have never felt the orgasm of his life (in the United States alone, 5-10% of women are estimated to have never felt an orgasm in her life). But, if the reason is their husband who did not seek the coming orgasm, it is a real problem of male selfishness must be completed. In reality, orgasms do not just come from sexual relationships, but orgasm can also happen through masturbation. Nevertheless, especially in women who are married, to do masturbation is still considered taboo to be done.

Even into the 1950s, before Alfred Kinsey conducted a study about sex on a large scale, only a few people in this world who know that the enjoyment by the end of sex that can make man sighed a sigh that could also be felt by women. However, in the 2000s was, of course women should have greater opportunities to demand these rights.

Here are the steps that can be done you, the reader is a woman, to feel the orgasm.

First, recognize the body, find out what kind of touch the most preferred. Body parts woman who has a lot of nerve (and thus easily stimulated) is the lips, ears, rectum, breast, and vagina, where the latter two sections are part The most sensitive and most effective in causing an orgasm. Try to touch the parts elephantiasis find favorite place. Sex therapy classes in the United States even advocated for women to masturbate, to be able to give specific instructions on how to satisfy the pair of women.

Second, after knowing the preferred place, communicate to your husband your findings are. Ask nicely on the husband to spend more time at these locations during intercourse.

Third, because women need more time to reach orgasm, take him to extend foreplay, especially in places where this favorite.
Fourth, after penetration, do not be shy to make their own stimulation to the body or to ask the husband to do it.

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2 way to download youtube video

Basically, there are videos on Youtube format. Flv, one output format can be set to Flash FLV Player. To be able to see them (after the download), we need FLV Player to play it, or converted to another format that could in turn by the Media Player. To download it, there are several ways that may be selected which is most easy and simple for you. Here are ways that can be tried:

1. Download Videos from your PC

Real Player Gold
To download Youtube Videos via computer, we can do immediately if we have a course Real Player Gold. If we have these programs on our computer, whenever there is a flash-based video on any site, simply use the right click on the video which we will download and select "Download Video"
Easy YouTube Video Downloader
If you use Firefox browser, please install plugin Easy YouTube Video Downloader makes Firefox can download video right-click just as easy.

2.Download Videos from Video Downloader

1. Downloader9
Video downloader site is the site that are easy and simple. You only need to copy and paste the URL of the Youtube Videos, Metacafe, DailyMotion, etc and instantly download the video. Do not forget, you must give the extension. FLV when downloading a video, to be played on your FLV Player.
2. KeepVid KeepVid
Similar Downloader9 site, this site can also help to download videos from several video portals. KeepVid also help convert them to FLV or MP4 format.
3. Vixy Vixy
Download videos with Vixy help convert them to AVI, MOV, MP4, and 3GP. This website is easy to use, with some ads that quite a lot.
4. VideoDownloadX VideoDownloadX
This free site is also good, just had enough of his ads. So do not be fooled when clicking on the ads there to download or want to rename it to video.
5. SaveTube SaveTube
This is a video downloader site is quite simple. Simply copy and paste the download.
6. VideoGetting VideoGetting
This site provides free and direct conversion to other video formats like WMV, MP3, MP4, MOV, 3GP, AVI, MPG, etc.. Although multi-functionality, this site is quite disturbing because the ads pop-up.

Pssssttt… Pssssttt ...
if you download YouTube videos that violate the TOS (Terms Of Services) them.

“You may access User Submissions for your information and personal use solely as intended through the provided functionality of the YouTube Website. "You May access User Submissions for your information and personal use solely as intended through the provided functionality of the YouTube website. You shall not copy or download any User Submission unless you see a “download” or similar link displayed by YouTube on the YouTube Website for that User Submission.” Marshall notes you copy or download any User Submission unless you see a "download" or similar link displayed by YouTube on the YouTube Web site for that User Submission. "

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How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation?

Each couple (couples) must have longed to settle down-stairs life of an active and harmonious. However, sexual relationships are a paradise world that can be run by married couples as well as one expression of love for the couple.

However, not always sexual functioning in accordance with the desire. There are times when her husband exposed the problem of sexual dysfunction such as arousal disorder, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other.
And, an expert doctor and Seksologi Andrology, "sexual health problems often experienced by men is a sexual dysfunction and sexually transmitted disease. Sexual dysfunction often is premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction."

Premature ejaculation is very common. Recent studies show that 1 in 3 sexually active men (33%) suffering from premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation can occur in men with all ages although it is more common in young men with various backgrounds of life.

Sexual dysfunction is a terrible scourge for men. Any man who would say no "mighty"? If the problem occurs not addressed could result in disruption of domestic harmony. Remember the saying goes, "Sex is not everything, but without sex, everything Will Be nothing." First of all advised to do sex therapy. If sex therapy does not work, then do the second way is using drugs. Drug used to treat premature ejaculation is a powerful drug that controls ejaculation. There are several types of drugs that can control ejaculation.

"Depending on the cause. For many reasons related to serotonin function, it is necessary to regulate the function of serotonin drugs, said Prof Wimpie Pangkahila.

Furthermore, Prof. Wimpie explains, "Drugs such as, class SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors). However, note the side effects, because the drug is not the-counter medicines." But given these drugs have side effects, so its use should be under the supervision of a physician.

As explained above, there are medications to control ejaculation. If premature ejaculation caused by impaired erection, then by improving erectile function, ejaculation can be slowed. So erectile dysfunction drug is useful if premature ejaculation is caused by impaired erection.

Another treatment is by way of operations against the nerves that control the occurrence of ejaculation. But the third way, although never carried out in certain countries, until now it was not popular and not widely used.

"Regarding supplements, many of which claim to be able to cure premature ejaculation but without any clinical test results," said Prof. Wimpie Pangkahila. So if you want to try to take supplements, be sure to supplement those provided evidence based clinical trials have been conducted.

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how to hack facebook

How to hack facebook? Why do you want to hack facebook? Who you want to hack? What do you hack for? when did you log in to facebook last time?
I'm sorry, I don't know the answer. May be if you can get the answer, comment to me. I wanna hack someone facebook too.

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Music is an art form. Its medium is sound. In music, a song is a composition that contains vocal parts ("lyrics") that are performed ("sung"), commonly accompanied by musical instruments, exception in the case of accapella songs. The lyrics of songs are typically poetic, rhyming nature, although they may be religious verses or free prose.
Music has some element. Common elements of music are pitch (which governs melody and harmony), rhythm (and its associated concepts tempo, meter, and articulation), dynamics, and the sonic qualities of timbre and texture.

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php syntax

PHP is stand for PHP Hypertext Preprocessor.  It is a recursive acronym; the first "P" stands for "PHP," and the first "P" of that stands for "PHP" as well, thus the cycle continues. PHP is a widely used. PHP is general-purpose scripting language. It was originally designed for web development to produce dynamic web pages. For this purpose, PHP code is embedded into the HTML source document and interpreted by a web server with a PHP processor module, which generates the web page document.
PHP code is processed by an interpreter application in command-line mode performing desired operating system operations and producing program output on its standard output channel, cause it is a general-purpose programming language. It may also function as a graphical application. PHP is available as a processor for most modern web servers and as standalone interpreter on most operating systems and computing platforms.
PHP can be edited by standart text editor. But you need another server in order to connect it. You can try appserv. It's easy one, and portable. You can edit your php everywhere, whenever you need it, as long as you bring your appserv with you.
PHP document start with <?php and ended with ?> . Every PHP command ended with ;. we use <?php as start because it's available in all browser. some time may be you'll find <?, but it's not recomended. When PHP parses a file, it looks for opening and closing tags, which tell PHP to start and stop interpreting the code between them. Parsing in this manner allows PHP to be embedded in all sorts of different documents, as everything outside of a pair of opening and closing tags is ignored by the PHP parser. Most of the time you will see PHP embedded in HTML documents.
A simple example.
echo 'hallo';
You will see hallo in your browser if succed

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php introduction

PHP is mainly focused on server-side scripting, so you can do anything any other CGI program can do, such as collect form data, generate dynamic page content, or send and receive cookies. But PHP can do much more.
There are three main areas where PHP scripts are used.

* Server-side scripting. This is the most traditional and main target field for PHP. You need three things to make this work. The PHP parser (CGI or server module), a web server and a web browser. You need to run the web server, with a connected PHP installation. You can access the PHP program output with a web browser, viewing the PHP page through the server. All these can run on your home machine if you are just experimenting with PHP programming. See the installation instructions section for more information.
* Command line scripting. You can make a PHP script to run it without any server or browser. You only need the PHP parser to use it this way. This type of usage is ideal for scripts regularly executed using cron (on *nix or Linux) or Task Scheduler (on Windows). These scripts can also be used for simple text processing tasks. See the section about Command line usage of PHP for more information.
* Writing desktop applications. PHP is probably not the very best language to create a desktop application with a graphical user interface, but if you know PHP very well, and would like to use some advanced PHP features in your client-side applications you can also use PHP-GTK to write such programs. You also have the ability to write cross-platform applications this way. PHP-GTK is an extension to PHP, not available in the main distribution. If you are interested in PHP-GTK, visit » its own website.

PHP can be used on all major operating systems, including Linux, many Unix variants (including HP-UX, Solaris and OpenBSD), Microsoft Windows, Mac OS X, RISC OS, and probably others. PHP has also support for most of the web servers today. This includes Apache, Microsoft Internet Information Server, Personal Web Server, Netscape and iPlanet servers, Oreilly Website Pro server, Caudium, Xitami, OmniHTTPd, and many others. For the majority of the servers, PHP has a module, for the others supporting the CGI standard, PHP can work as a CGI processor.

PHP allows you to have the freedom of choosing an operating system and a web server. Furthermore, you also have the choice of using procedural programming or object oriented programming, or a mixture of them. Although not every standard OOP feature is implemented in PHP 4, many code libraries and large applications (including the PEAR library) are written only using OOP code. PHP 5 fixes the OOP related weaknesses of PHP 4, and introduces a complete object model.

PHP's abilities includes outputting images, PDF files and even Flash movies (using libswf and Ming) generated on the fly. You can also output easily any text, such as XHTML and any other XML file. PHP can autogenerate these files, and save them in the file system, instead of printing it out, forming a server-side cache for your dynamic content. With PHP you are not limited to output HTML.

PHP has One of the strongest and most significant features. PHP supports for a wide range of databases. Writing a database-enabled web page is incredibly simple. The following databases are currently supported:

* Adabas D
* dBase
* Empress
* FilePro (read-only)
* Hyperwave
* Informix
* Ingres
* InterBase
* FrontBase
* mSQL
* Direct MS-SQL
* Oracle (OCI7 and OCI8)
* Ovrimos
* PostgreSQL
* SQLite
* Solid
* Sybase
* Velocis
* Unix dbm

PHP supports ODBC, the Open Database Connection standard, so you can connect to any other database supporting this world standard. We also have a database abstraction extension (named PDO) allowing you to transparently use any database supported by that extension. Additionally

PHP also has support for talking to other services using protocols such as LDAP, IMAP, SNMP, NNTP, POP3, HTTP, COM (on Windows) and countless others. You can also open raw network sockets and interact using any other protocol. PHP has support for the WDDX complex data exchange between virtually all Web programming languages. Talking about interconnection, PHP has support for instantiation of Java objects and using them transparently as PHP objects. You can also use our CORBA extension to access remote objects.

PHP has extremely useful text processing features, from the POSIX Extended or Perl regular expressions to parsing XML documents. For parsing and accessing XML documents, PHP 4 supports the SAX and DOM standards, and you can also use the XSLT extension to transform XML documents. PHP 5 standardizes all the XML extensions on the solid base of libxml2 and extends the feature set adding SimpleXML and XMLReader support.

PHP has many other interesting extensions, the mnoGoSearch search engine functions, the IRC Gateway functions, many compression utilities (gzip, bz2, zip), calendar conversion, translation...

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